For most people, this is a Christmas like no other, but for parents who have recently lost a child, or any loved one, it is different for other reasons. They feel lost in the pain of grief that will never end.
But, I would like to share that there is hope. Hope that one day the immeasurable pain of losing a child does ease. People grieve for many reasons, loss of a spouse, or a parent or a sibling. Both which I have experienced, but the pain of losing Ciara was crippling and far beyond my comprehension.
The first Christmas I was floating on a facade of going through the motions of living - I was there in body, but mentally not present.
The second Christmas was equally as painful. Now, this is our fourth Christmas without Ciara, and I never would have thought I would put up a Christmas tree and look at the lights and think they are pretty, there was no pleasure in anything in the early days, months, or years of grief
Yes, some days, I still feel overwhelmed by a complete sense of loss, or I feel someone has punched me, and I think Christ, did that really happen? But it doesn't last.
The madness that grief inflicts is diminishing, sometimes I do get angry, but it passes, and grief jumps out from the shadows briefly and leaves just as quick. But, I find it hard to say Ciara's name aloud. I can write Ciara's name. I started writing my pain in the first few months, and then it turned into a Dear Ciara Diary. First, it was to write my pain, and as time passed I told her what the family are doing, what her friends are doing, I've even told her about this blasted COVID-19
So, in essence, I want to give hope to grieving parents, that the aching pain of grief will ease, that they will laugh again, and will look enjoy life. But, it does take work and doesn't happen overnight. Getting help by going to a grief counsellor, and let friends and family help. Also, being together as a family.